User blog:Charlie the Penguin/hole.doc
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I sure hope you've got a lot of time on your hands for this one... Aunt Arctic: *waddles into Everyday Phoning Facility* Hello everyone! Adam the Frost Bite: *gets up from front desk* Hey, A to the A! *hands bucket* Aunt Arcitc: *takes* Thanks! *punches secret code into phone booth, causing the secret entrance to open up in the waterfall behind the front desk* As you were. *goes through waterfall, which closes behind her* Noobs: *all make “Surpised Patrick” face at waterfall* Adam: *groans* Hoo boy... *pulls out axe* Aunt Arctic: *dumps black paint over herself as she walks down the stairs of the EPF Command Room to the detention chamber* Good morning, G. Gary: Yes. That is correct. I am Gary. Your friend. Your most trusted agent. Definetly not somebody else. Director: You’re not really Gary, are you? Hey, you’re supposed to believe that he’s really Gary. Director: But… isn’t it obvious that he’s not? Have you ever watched TV before? Characters must believe whatever benefits the plot. Director: Isn’t that kind of a cheap plot device? Just do it! Director: Ugh, whatever. *sarcastically* Hello there, Gary. You sure haven’t changed a bit. Gary: What are you doing down here? Director: I just came to check on the prisoner. As you were. *waddles over to the jail cells to find them empty* What the?! Gary, are you aware that these cells are all empty?! Gary: Oh yes. I just didn’t feel the need to tell you… *turns into Sasquatch* Director: :O Sasquatch: ...becuz I hadz it all under controlz. >:D Pookiez, get ‘er! Aunt Arctic’s formerly kidnapped pookie slaves, apparently now serving Sasquatch, suddenly appear and surround her completely. Director: *sarcastically* What a twist. *gets stuffed into a sack* '-Insert dramatic transition here-' Hebert: Um, is this really necessary? Charlie: Of course it is! If you can stand this, you can stand anything and then we can get people to start trusting you! Herbert: Okay… Charlie and Herbert are both standing in the middle of a prep party. Charlie: You’ll be fine, don’t worry! I’ll be watching. *presses button on spy phone and turns invisible* Herbert sighs and walks over to snack bar. One prep with an enormous pink boa sitting on her shoulders waddles over to him. Prep: Hey there! Herbert: *looks up* Me? Prep: I don't see anyone else in the room. Herbert: Um, there's like fifteen more people... Prep: *gets closer* What’s your name? Herbert: Um, Herbert. But most people call me Herbie now. *takes a step back* Prep: *gets closer still* Whataya say we take this party to the couch? Herbie: Um... I think the couch is on fire. Prep: I think I know how we can extinguish the flame. *bats eyes* Assistant-Droid: Heh, that’s what she sai- *gets thrown out window by an invisible Charlie* Prep: *grabs Herbie’s paw* Come on, I could go all night! Herbie: Now, I really don’t think… Prep: You know you wanna- Herbie: I really don’t think… Prep: You talk too much. *leans in close and sticks out beak* Thirty seconds later… Charlie: *is sitting with Herbie at table right outside the Coffee Shop* Come on, Herbie, I thought we were doing good! Herbie: I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it! Charlie: Herbie, you set the entire igloo on fire and killed everyone inside. Herbie: She tried to make out with me! Charlie: *sighs* Oh well. You wanna get a snack? My chocolate factory just opened up a small candy shop at the Dock. Herbie: Sure. *stands up and looks around* What the? Everyone in the Town Center has surrounded the table and is armed with snowballs. Charlie: ...I hate Mondays. *quickly pulls out spy phone and teleports him and Herbie to the Dock, just before they get buried by snow* At the Dock… Herbie: Phew, that was close. Why is everyone on this island so against me? Charlie: Well, you blew up the PSA HQ… Herbie: Which you rebuilt… Charlie: ...and destroyed the Ski Village… Herbie: ...which you rebuilt… Charlie: ...and robbed everyone on the island of their coins and their puffles which you turned into your mindless drones. Herbie: ...Soooo, what’s your candy shop called? *turns around and sees* “Candy’s Charlie Shop”, huh? Charlie: Yeah, we couldn’t fix the typo on the original factory so we decided just to roll with it. We WOULD have been able to fix it if SOMEONE hadn’t quit their job! Rory: *is sitting at picnic table with Tim* Well PARDON me for getting married! Charlie: Ugh. Come on, Herbie. Charlie and Herbie enter the candy shop, where Rookie and Wingman are sitting at a three person table. Rookie is sitting in one chair, and Wingman is sitting on the table, leaving two empty seats. Rookie: Hey guys! Wingman: *barely looks up from chocolate* ‘Sup. Charlie and Herbie take the two extra chairs. Charlie: How did you guys get in here? The store’s closed. Rookie: Wingman said he had the keys. Charlie: *looks to the side to see a huge gaping hole in the wall* Wingman, I’m starting to wonder if installing that laser on you helmet was a really good idea. Wingman: *finishes chocolate* What makes you think that? This thing’s made my whole life easier! Every single building in Club Penguin has a large hole in it Herbie: *looks up* Oh, that’s cool, you installed a TV. Charlie: I sure did! *uses snow telekinesis to grab remote from the back office* Who wants to see the hockey game? *switches on* Rookie: *squints at TV* You know, it kinda looks like those penguins are just moving around randomly. ...Is this even a really hockey game? Wingman: I think you’re right. Let’s see what else is on. *switches through Sled Racing, Campfire, Soap Opera, and Test channels* Hey, wait a minute, all of these channels are gifs! *hits remote again, landing on the News Channel* Oh, here we go. Assistant-Droid: Hello, Club Penguin! Herbie: That guy?! Assistant-Droid: My name is Assistant-Droid, but that sounds too generic so you can call me Assi-D “acid”. Aunt Arctic has gone missing, so I am temporarily taking over as CPN’s news anchor. Which reminds me… BREAKING NEWS! AUNT ARCTIC HAS BEEN CAPTURED! That is all. Rookie: Well he hasn’t changed a bit… Assid: *a piece of paper falls out of the printer slot on his chest* Hm… *takes paper and reads* Okay, apparently Gary the Gadget Guy, Dot the Disguise Gal, Jet Pack Guy, and all of the elite puffles except for one have disappeared as well. Wingman: *looks up* Wait a minute… that’s me! Assid: *shows picture* And now apparently Herbert P. Bear’s lair has reappeared in the wilderness, and since everyone on our police force besides Rookie is missing… well, I’d say we’re screwed. Rookie: Hey! Assid: Well, you all have the right to panic. Have a great day! :D *flies off with built-in jetpack* CPN goes off air, and everyone suddenly looks at Herbie Herbie: I swear guys, I have nothing to do with this! Charlie: He’s right. That lair wasn’t visible this morning and I’ve been with him all day. Rookie: Well, we’re the only ones left, so I guess that means that we’ll have to investigate. Herbie: I’m coming with you guys then. Wingman: Why? Herbie: I built that place. I know it inside and out, but you'll get lost without me. Charlie: Okay then, let’s go. Charlie, Herbie, Rookie, and Wingman arrive at the foot of the base. Wingman: *talks in deep voice* THIS IS THE POLICE! LET US IN! Sasquatch: *inside* Naw man it’s coolr wen u breakz in! Wingman: Fine, have it your way. *blasts a hole in door with laser* Charlie: Huh, maybe that thing isn’t so useless after all. Rookie: Come on! *runs in* Everyone enters the lair, only to realize far too late that they’re standing on a trapdoor. It gives way and they all shoot down a long metal slide. Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHADHAKSEAFSEGFCHARLIEGDSDFISGSDGSDAWESOMEKA After what seems like forever, the slide suddenly goes upwards, and the quartet shoots up out of the slide and into a heavily padded cage, which immediately locks up. The other EPF agents as well as the other elite puffles sit in the two other cages. They are in the Central Command Room of Herbert’s Operation: Blackout fortress. The large laser on the roof has been repaired, but is currently powered down. Sasquatch: Yay, moar gestz! :D Charlie: Ugh, I should’ve known. What do you want with us, Sascrotch? Sasquatch: I dun needz anythingz from u. I jus need 2 mak shure dat u won’t mess up my pwans. Rookie: Plans? What plans? Sasquatch: *pulls tarp off of large clear glass chamber with a big laser on its roof, pointing downwards at the locking chair in the center* Say hailo 2 teh Brain Amplifier 2000! Gary: Hey, that looks just like my Stupidifyer 3000! Sasquatch: It iz! Well, sorta. Sense itz ability 2 make teh Rookie guy stupid failed mizerably, I reverze engineered it 2 make me smartr! Wingman: But what do you know about reverse-engineering? Sasquatch: Dere’s a button on teh side dat sez “Activate Inverse Operation”. Everyone looks at Gary Gary: What? I thought it might come in handy some day. Sasquatch: *Jack Skellington laugh* HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE *enters chamber, closes door, and sits down in chair* Jet Pack Guy: Hah, this’ll never work. That laser will just disintegrate hi- Sasquatch: *gets zapped* HEEHEEHEEHEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Dot: Did he… did he just start laugh normally?! Sasquatch: *opens door of chamber and steps out* Well, what do you think? Can you even recognize me anymore? Director: He… He’s speaking like a normal person! Sasquatch: Ah, you are quite a perceptive individual, Miss Arctic. *taps her on the beak* Herbie: So… you’re intelligent now? Sasquatch: Silly penguins and polar bear, this machine did not really improve my brainpower, it only fixed my speech condition! *opens beak, showing that oversized front tooth is now a normal size* Gary: But… how?! A machine capable of enhancing one’s brain activity would require a brain bigger than mine! Sasquatch: Do not judge a book by it’s cover, Mr. Gadget Guy. *starts typing code into the laser’s control panel* Those who do not seem to possess brainpower may surprise you one day. Wingman: Hang on… so this entire time you’ve just been pretending to be an idiot? Sasquatch: No, I was pretending to be someone I was not. And it worked. Charlie: Whatever. You wanted to fix yourself, and you did. Can we go home now? Sasquatch: *turns around* But why would you want to leave? You just got here! *finishes code* Director: Sasquatch, this is getting ridiculous. What, are you going to block out the sun again? Rookie: Not again! *hides behind Herbie* Sasquatch: *chuckles* Don’t worry. The sun is of no concern to me. Everything has gone according to plan. Club Penguin is now mine! Jet Pack Guy: Do you so-called super-villains ever get tired of competing and repeatedly failing to take over a small chunck of ice in the middle of the ocean? I mean, it’s not like you’ll get to do anything. Sasquatch: Au contraire! I have spent all of my spare time educating myself on the art of coding. If I am to rule this island, I must first make a few changes. *presses button, activating laser* Like its original purpose, the laser shoots a bright yellow beam into the sky. However, it misses the sun by mile and creates a small explosion, causing the sky to tear and form a large wormhole. Sasquatch: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! As you can see, I have created a small rift in the entire system. Now, other parts of the internet shall leak into Club Penguin. With the infinite possibilities of other worlds, I can harness the power to do whatever I want, wherever I want, whenever I want! Herbie: Hey, that’s my old line! You can’t do that! Sasquatch: Oh yeah, tough guy? Try and stop me! It is only a matter of time until I am the most powerful being in the universe! A large bang comes from the portal and out shoots a narwhal, which misses hitting Sasquatch by an inch. Narwhal: I'M THE JEDI OF THE SEA :D *suffocates in oxygen and dies* Wingman: NUUUUUU Sasquatch: Aha! I think I have just figured out what I shall do with all of you! Who hear is a narwhal fan? Dot: You’re going to impale us with narwhals?! Sasquatch: Well, now that I think of it, I have an even better idea. *types into control panel* How do you penguins fancy the fine art of creepypasta? Suddenly, a pink pony seemingly made out of cotton candy pops out of the portal, holding a huge chainsaw. Pinkie Pie: WHO WANTS TO MAKE CUPCAKES Sasquatch: *laughs* Let’s make the odds a little more reasonable, shall we? *presses button, freeing the penguins and puffles and enclosing himself and the control panel in a dome-shaped deflector shield* I think they LOVE cupcakes! *points to* Pinkie Pie: HOW INTERESTING *eye twitches* Rookie: Wait a minute, I’ve seen her!! Charlie: You mean her non-evil counterpart that makes up 50% of KnowYourMeme and is mentioned on every Reddit post ever? Rookie: No! It was her! She was in that dream I ha- Charlie and Rookie dive apart, barely missing Pinkie Pie’s chainsaw. Sasquatch: *types* Anyone here a YTP fan? Wingman: YES. Spingebill, the YTP version of Spongebob Squarepants pops out of the portal. He has an illuminati symbol on his forehead. Wingman: Yeahhh... nope. *runs away* Spingebill: *follows* JOIN USSSS Sasquatch: Who here likes Disney movies? *types* The three aliens from Toy Story fall out of the portal. Aliens: THE CLAWWWWWDGJFSPDGJSRGGDFGGSPGSPSFGIPOTATOIATPOSFDSFJD A large claw comes down from the portal and captures all of the Elite Puffles (except for Wingman, who is still being chased by Spingebill) Spingebill: IF YOU PAY US A LOT OF MONEY WE WILL TELL YOU HOW WE MANAGED TO ASSISINATE GEORGE WASHINGTON Gary, the Director, Jet Pack Guy, and Dot all take out their spyphones. Gary: Now press the “force-shield penetrator” app I’ve installed! Jet Pack Guy: I can’t find it! Gary: It should have the word “new” written in red on it. Dot: Ugh, my phone runs iOS8 now, I can’t find anything! The four agents finally all activate the app, and four laser streams shoot out of them and hit the force shield. Sasquatch: You will never break through my impenetrable deflection force-shield! It is invincible! Charlie: *kicks Pinkie Pie away* Wait, I’ve seen something like this before! Director: Huh? Rookie: *gets tackled and tries to hold Pinkie Pie’s chainsaw hand away from his head* Me too! Dot: What do we do?! Charlie/Rookie: Cross them!! Jet Pack Guy: What? Charlie: *steals Pinkie Pie’s chainsaw and decapitates her with it* CROSS THE STREAMS!!! Gary: But the manual says to never do that at all costs! Rookie: *gets picked up by Spingebill* JUST DO IT!!! Spingebill: THIS MORTAL HAS LEARNED TOO MUCH NOW Herbie: *picks up Spingebill and throws him off of the edge of the fortress* Rookie: *wipes forehead* Phew. Thanks! Herbie: No problem. Sasquatch’s force shield finally shatters, leaving him exposed. Sasquatch: Oh dear... Gary: Great Scott! That actually worked! Sasquatch: Not so fast, penguins! I could go all night! *pulls out two wires and attaches them to forehead* Director: SEIZE HIM! All agents and Wingman charge at Sasquatch, but are knocked back by the explosion. Pluffy: *smokes crack* Did it died? Wingman: *gets up* How long have you been here? The smoke clears, and Sasquatch is suddenly three times the size of Herbie. An orange glow surrounds him, and his eyes are now jet black while his pupils are red. Pluffy: Well, I can see you’re busy. *teleports to Finland* Rookie: But I thought we disabled teleportation... Jet Pack Guy: Sasquatch, this has gone far enough! Stand down now or we’ll have no choice but to turn this into an island-wide ordeal! Sasquatch: MY NAME IS HACKSQUATCH! *bring fist down on Jet Pack Guy, flattening him like a pancake* Jet Pack Guy: Medic. *re-inflates like balloon* Hacksquatch: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! NOW MY POWER IS UNLIMITED! NOW WHICH OF YOU HAVE WHAT I LIKE TO CALL GUILTY PLEASURE FILMS? Thomas the Tank Engine flies out of the portal Me: *gasps* HOW THE HAIL DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT Thomas: LITTLE ENGINES CAN DO BIG THINGS :D Assid: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!! XD Hacksquatch: UH, OKAY, DOES ANYONE MIND IF I GO AHEAD AND PUT AN END TO THAT JOKE? Charlie: Sure. Jet Pack Guy: Yeah. Thomas: Let him rot. Assid: Wait, do you mea- *gets eaten by Hacksquatch* Hacksquatch: *grows twice his size* BWAHAHAHAHAHAW!!!!!! *becomes a half robot that resembles Assid* Herbie: Wait a minute... *climbs into Thomas and drives him towards Sasquatch at full speed* Hacksquatch: WHAT TH- OW! *clutches foot and falls backwards onto the laser, destroying it and knocking himself out* Charlie: Nice one Herbie!! *high-fives* Herbie: Thanks, but are you sure this doesn’t go against everything you taught me? Charlie: Don’t worry, as long as you don’t assault or insult anyone who isn’t a deranged ginormous monster trying to kill us, you’re good. :P Director: *inspects* Well, the good news is that the laser is totaled. The bad news is that he’s still alive. Jet Pack Guy: Grr… *kicks claw, which is knocked back slightly and begins to pull back up through portal* Alien #1: The Claw is leaving! Alien #2: The Claw is our master! Alien #3: We must follow our master! The three aliens jump on to the claw just before it is sucked back through the portal. Aliens: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE *disappear* Dot: Since the laser is busted, the portal can’t grow any bigger. However, I sure don’t see it getting any smaller any time soon! The claw disappears into the portal, causing it to decrease slightly. Gary: *sips coffee* Wait a minute, the laser wasn’t causing the portal to grow, it was only keeping it stable! If we continue to disturb it, then maybe we can get it to close! Hmmm… *finishes coffee and throws cup through portal* Herbie: Wait a minute, that’s it! *crawls under Hacksquatch* Rookie: What is he… Herbie: *slowly manages to lift above his head* Ha! >:D *throws through portal, which begins to shrink* Wingman: Woah, where did you get so strong? Herbie: I’m not any stronger than I was when I came to the island, why? Everyone: … Rookie: It’s certainly not like we used to make jokes about you being obese or anything! Heh, heh… Herbie: *begins to float* What the?! Gary: Oh no, I should’ve known! The smaller the portal gets, the more its vacuum-like energy will increase out of the smaller hole! Herbie: *begins to fly towards portal* WOAAHHH Charlie: *runs up and grabs Herbie by the foot* Gotcha! *starts to float* Woah… Rookie: *grabs* Nyeh! Director: *grabs Rookie* Gary: *grabs Director* Jet Pack Guy: *grabs Gary* Dot: *grabs Jet Pack Guy* All Elite Puffles: *all cling to Dot* Herbie: *looks behind and into portal* Woah… *looks back at Charlie* Let go. Charlie: What?! What do you mean, let go?! Elsa: *appears in portal* LET IT GO!!! Herbie: You guys can’t weigh me down forever, and if you don’t let me break this portal, you’re going to have to live with a human version of Rookie’s wife. Charlie: But… what about you? You wanted to change your image and get everyone to trust you! Herbie: Maybe now they will. Charlie: … D: Herbie: Hey. Charlie: ? Herbert: Let go of me or I’ll show you why polar bears don’t co-exist with penguins, you son of a bird. *winks* Charlie: *frown slowly turns into a sad smile* See you in Hell, you filthy heat-obsessed mammal. *lets go* Herbert smiles as he is sucked through the portal, which closes behind him. Free of the vacuum, the chain of penguins all fall to the ground. Dot: Gary, will he survive in there? Gary: Hard to say. Maybe he’ll conveniently land on a website that has food and water. Rookie: I can’t believe that we were saved by Herbert P. Bear of all people. Director: Well, Charlie did put him through an intense shock therapy treatment. Charlie: That’s just it though. He barely put up a fight. What if somewhere deep inside of him, all along he wanted desperately to change but was held back by his species’ nature? The agents exchange glances with each other Everyone (including Charlie) in Unison: Nahhh. Sasquatch: *sits up* Ugh... Um dis may seem laik a weird quistion, but do any of u no wat im doing here Everyone: WHAT?! Jet Pack Guy: I thought you went through the portal! Sasquatch: Wat portal? Teh last ting I wememberz is sitting in my cell, doing nofing as uzual. Gary: Wait a minute… Sasquatch, did you happen to touch one of the lasers of your jail cell? Sasquatch: Yesh, y? *shows hand, which has a bright red burn mark across it* Gary: Great Scott! Um, there may have been a slight side effect from the burn of those laser bars. Our test subjects tested to talk to themselves more as a result. Director: What are you saying? Gary: I’m saying.... I don’t think Hacksquatch and Sasquatch are the same conscience. Herbert floats aimlessly in a pink dimension that looks as if it is made of cotton candy. Random web pages can be seen floating in the air. He is in the ever-expanding central hub of the internet. A ghost-like entity that resembles Hacksquatch floats over to him. Hacksquatch: We could do amazing things together, Herbert. Herbert: It’s Herbie. Hacksquatch: Is it really? Is this really what you want to do with yourself? Herbie: For once in my life, I had a friend other than a crab- oh crap, who’s going to feed him now? Hacksquatch: Herbert, look at you! You’re a ghost of your former self. Join me, and as soon as we get out of here, I will show you your true potential. Herbie turns around and looks at Hacksquatch. A look of contemplation crosses his face… Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! This episode was quite a challenge to make, as it turned out a lot longer than I originally envisioned it. I guess that’s suitable though, as starting with the next season, the show will have a major revamp and will begin to focus more on Charlie and his two yet-to-be-introduced friends. If I get five comments, each one telling me your favorite episode of the entire show so far, I will release the first episode of Season 1 on December 21, and a Christmas special on the 23rd. I get that that’s kind of a long time, but it’s all strategic. With the time I spend off I’ll be able to write episodes ahead of time, so like a TV show, I’ll be able to give a release date for every episode before it comes out. I’m not promising anything, but I may be able to start releasing episodes weekly starting in 2015.Thanks again for reading, and we’ll see you next season! --Charlie the Penguin: Don't just do something, stand there! 00:30, November 27, 2014 (UTC) Category:Blog posts